That Age

21 Aug

“If it is meant to be, our hearts will find each other when we meet. And if our hearts melt together so will our bodies and souls. Then every word and every touch will fuel our passion flame. I will be yours, you will be mine, and we will be one.”

Gosh, I’m a romantic. Have I hit that age…where marriage and babies somehow make their way into my thoughts?

Haha…nooo.

But lately.

Oh that phrase…”but lately”

Seriously though, but lately there’s something different.  I write this as I watch Something Borrowed (I’ve been a little extreme on the romance movies..geez it just ended, starting it again).  I’ve been very….very much in love lately.  Who’s the lucky guy, right? That’s just it…there is no guy.  I’m not even sure its romantic love, but I am overwhelmingly in love.  I smile at couples displaying way too much pda. I pet puppies. I let babies grab my fingers and smile at them. I think of London and I could cry.  I mean, I’m going through an extremely stressful moment in my life but I could not be any more in love.  Well, its a bit helpful with where I’m at on that book I’ve been writing.

It’s more fun to talk about romantic love, so here we go.

Relationships have always frightened me.  And I don’t mean make me slightly nervous…I mean absolutely scare the sh*t out of me and sometimes I would feel a sense of entitlement and think I really want one only to find myself almost despising the person a few days later. Anyone else every feel that? It’s like ‘look, I should have the title…this should be a relationship’ but I honestly think I was just subconsciously yearning for a change and I always ignored that the change was probably giving them the boot.

BUT, I’ve done everything I possibly could to stay OUT of a relationship…practically my whole life.  I really don’t know why and I’m feeling odd lately because I’m starting to feel the opposite.

I don’t know why. Maybe someday I’ll figure it all out but this quote from the movie Adam has resonated (dammit comcast screw up…it won’t play Something Borrowed again). Anyway, this quote: “feeling loved is important, but loving, that’s the necessity.”

I used to always think the opposite. I constantly fell for flattery but now I have an overwhelming desire to get to know someone. To learn all about them and love them for it. I want to meet someone that I’m genuinely interested in wanting to know more…someone nothing like me so there can be a lot to learn.  Someone who I’ll have questions to ask. Someone who I will grow excited at the thought of someday falling for.

…Someone I can eat my cheese with.

XOXO,
Bella

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